I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Randomize
