hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
