I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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