we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
