so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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