Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
