If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
