Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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