i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
