I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
