Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
