so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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