So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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