Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
