just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
one two three fourrrrnication!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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