My liver just broke up with me...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
