She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
