Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
the raccoons are back...
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