Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
