I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
