idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize