Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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