I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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