her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize