He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
