Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
