YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
