We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
