I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Come on in and take your pants off
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