why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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