fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
