i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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