hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
