I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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