I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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