I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
