Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
