And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
