You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
