the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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