Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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