Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
