that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
