How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
