His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
