im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
