he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
