Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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