I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
