I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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