Already got asked if we're dating
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm too high and old for this...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
