I cockslap morals
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
