i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So much Jack, so little girl.
You ate ashes out of my bong
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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