Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
