The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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