you traded sex for a burrito?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
