i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
