she was so not down for the gang bang
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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