im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my being single is dangerous.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
