How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
