just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize