Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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