I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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