I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
