you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize