dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
