Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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