I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
