um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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