whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
