Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think I sprained my soul last night
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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