I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
