it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The air was thick with penises
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
