Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
